Hey there, ya 'lil nincompoop.
So this is something a little different from usual. Like I mentioned in the prior post, I'm starting a new series called "Duriba Encounters" about people/events that have occurred in my day to day life. It's not as comedic as usual, but I'm experimenting with different types of styles, types, items, etc. I'm also thinking about working on more exciting projects such as trailers, a variety of short films, movie reviews, public figure reviews, an advice column, etc. If there's anything you want me to write about, be sure to inscribe in onto a red velvet cake and have it mailed to me.
Without further ado...
“Don’t you think it’s stupid?” She asks, a dubious look on her face. “We’re all going to die!” she screams at my face, a minuscule drop of her saliva flying onto my shoulder. I pretend that I “din see nuthin”. Her cheeks turn red when she notices. “Ew” she mutters while smothering the slab into my sweater. I just laugh, snorting in the process, and she smiles sheepishly. “You’ve been blessed, pleasant” she utters cooly.
“I’ll take it I have, ya unintelligible lard” I yell at the top of my lungs, flicking her forehead in the process, then jumping off her bed and scurrying down the stairs to harass her little brother/steal Oreos from her pantry. Except I don’t even like Oreos.
And that’s her thing, somehow being confident while little things such as the shape of her nose--that in her opinion, resembles a rain drop (????)--bother her a little too much. She’s probably one of the prettiest girls I’ve ever seen, and she has this thing where she’s trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life, what to expect of others, and who she is.
She’s good at consoling others, yet every fifth person on the face of earth annoys her. She’s intelligent, but she’s forgetful. She bites her nails when she’s nervous, or just really deep in thought. She stutters when she presents, but always knows how to put on a show. When she gets angry, she becomes very vocal, but when she’s upset, not a word is heard from her mouth. She loses almost everything, and has an opinion about Miley Cyrus’ haircut to the political situation in Pakistan. She loves to read novels, and is always talking about something interesting. She’s strong when she has to be, and even when she doesn’t. She’s poetic, yet laughs the loudest at fart jokes.
And through everything life flings at her, she keeps a straight face and is prepared to joust back.
Yes you, in the ratty t shirt and fantastic pajamas. Tres Chic. (I don't know what that means)
I have an announcement.
Firstly, Hershey's has released a copycat of Nutella, so sign a petition to shut them down.
In other news, I'm going to be starting a new experimental series soon called "Duriba Encounters" where I'll write small blurbs about people I've encountered in mah lyf. From the fruity host at Sonic who told me my handbag was "super cute!1!" to the old woman in the ACC restroom who told me to "have a nice life" after I offered her a paper towel. Except I didn't offer it to be nice. I just didn't want her to wait for me because I had to pass a wad of wet paper towels to a friend three stalls down.
Anyway, I haven't exactly planned out how I'm going to do these, but I'm working on it.
(I'm not. I'm stalking Mindy Kaling on Twitter over Birthday Cake ice cream).
In the meantime, be sure to leave me an email entailing what else your bloodshot eyeballs wish to see.
Did you know that every 5 seconds, the Sun flings five million tons of matter out into space? As interesting as it is, its not what we’re going to be discussing today.
If you’re human, you've certainly heard of the term “bad day”. A bad day basically comprises of a bunch of unfavorable scenarios that make you want to launch mounds of fertilizer onto others’ worldly possessions. Instances that contribute to a bad day consist of... a bird pooping on your head while you're exiting your car, accidently chewing a “black ball of doom” when consuming biryani, your mom running over your foot while backing out, the hispanic woman trimming your bangs who speaks very basic english hears the word “trim” as “give me a boy cut”, etc, etc...the possibilities are truly endless.
Below, I haven’t listed ways to prevent bad days, rather, ways to turn other’s bad days around.
We now conclude this blog post for a duaa to bring Miley Cyrus to sirat al mustaqeem.
Allahumma-shrah Sadrahaa Lil-Islaam (Oh Allah expand her heart to islam).