Identical to the open word document before me, the wall in front of me is blank. As I perch myself up against a pillow with fingers scampering over the keyboard then backspacing not long after, I give up. As I take to exit and give my mind capsule some rest, a message pops up. “Save changes?’ it asks, and I pause for a moment. “Change” I mumble to myself, now sitting up with my spine erect.
I have always been a strong believer in three things: karma, pumpkin flavored anything, and the concept that people, however terrible, always possess the tendency to change at any given moment. Although there are many refutations to each and every one of these components, I am readily available to defend each one, as its realization to me has been a journey that has modified my point of view at one point or another.
I will begin by addressing that each and every person in the world has the potential to change, and this change is--however painful--a good thing. Because without change, how would we have butterflies?
As I look around my world, I can’t help but notice all the modification.
Autumn leaves wilt away to make room for the cold winter, a favorite bedtime read becomes a bookshelf warmer, plans to start a juice cleanse cripple to Voodoo doughnuts and reruns of The Big Bang Theory.
A lot changes. Seasons, opinions, preferences, people. One day, you’ll be out on a stroll at sunset, or maybe just laying in bed, and it’ll hit you like the Quan.
One day, you’ll be shrieking over One Direction’s latest albums with your best friend, the next day they’ve decided to move on to the Janoskians (who outlasted who?!). Or maybe the two of you will abandon your shared affection altogether: you’ll pursue meditative pop and coconut water and they’ll wear smoky eye shadow everywhere and head bang to Metallica. You’ll stop texting one another. You’ll have nothing in common. And the worst of all? Although you’ll miss it, neither of you will mind it.
I fondly remember when my older sister was growing into her teenage skin. I remember trailing behind her as a confused eleven year old, perplexed to as of why she no longer wanted to play with dolls or watch the latest episode of Spongebob beside me. When I questioned my sweet mother, she laughed and explained that my sister was simply getting older, and that she was changing. I didn’t understand it then, and maybe I’m still not so sure now.
But today, as I sit cradled on a cold leather sofa in an empty living room sipping milk from an empty cereal bowl, the puzzle pieces fit. It’s the reason you don’t want to do today what you lived for yesterday, and it’s why you can’t decide who to root for in the upcoming elections. Today, I realize that there isn’t an explanation besides the fact that people change. Instead of forcing ourselves to hold tight to our beliefs, we should adapt and accept what our heart whispers, as this is our ultimate truth.
If you ever feel like a handbag “isn’t you” but feel an emotional urge to buy it, by all means do. Life isn’t about squeezing yourself into a mold of others’ perceptions and ideas of you: it's about constantly restructuring that mold. Terminating it altogether so that nobody can predict your next move. Because you’re not figured out. You’re unprecedented and exceptional: built on your own whims and desires. You’re a person, and your experiences have taught you new things and challenged the way you think and what you believe in.
So don’t be afraid to change your opinions. It doesn’t make you indecisive or confused. It makes you human, eager to learn new things and shift your view to grey in a world that demands we see it in black and white.
Hi there, I hope you’re well, because you seem stressed. Still, I hope you’re taking everything life tosses at you gracefully. I hope all your selfies are coming out fantastic. I hope you aced your exam last week, and I hope you’re exactly who you want to be at this point in your life, and if you aren’t, there’s still time you know. Specifically, there’s time tomorrow. But if you somehow perish tonight, I hope you’re content and that you lived your life the way you unapologetically should have.The way you promised yourself you would, no matter what happened… but what did happen?
You got older. Priorities, college applications, jobs, practicality, and responsibility got in the way. “Now,” your father explained, “is time to think with your brain.” Beneath it all, I think what he meant to say was “don’t follow your heart.” And maybe, that was the best decision you ever made. Maybe that’s why you spent nights in the library memorizing the periodic table instead of praying, and maybe that’s why you laughed in the face of the guy who promised to marry you. Because you’re practical. Realistic person with a plan that’s moving in the direction of your french mani and Ferrari steering wheel Instagram photo.
Reader, keep your goals in mind, but do not be so busy trying to make a living that you forget to make a life. Take a study break not for social media or Snapchat, but to simply glimpse out the window. Listen to songs that make you think or recall a memory. Finally get around to that painting instead of taking selfies. When you sip, really taste your coffee. Make a list of the things you’ve irrationally worried about in the last year… it will be embarrassing and uncomfortable and that’s the point. Buy your parents tulips, just because you felt like it. Make silly faces at babies. Be sure to find joy and comfort in these little moments because you never know if you’ll live to see the big ones.
1. List 5 of your fears.
Bad haircuts, papaya, oblivion, and spoiled milk. Also, Donald Trump.
2. Five things that make me happy today:
3. First thought as I woke up this morning?
“Let’s rock and roll.”
4. What is your perfect pizza?
Hmm, a bit thin because I have trouble swallowing thick crust (my lymph nodes cry). Not too greasy or oily, and a wheat crust along with barbeque sauce and garlic, spinach, and olives. Also, is coconut pizza a thing?
5. What cheers you up?
My delightful sister, and just anything related to loud music and ice cream. Also, when my husband Zayn Malik surprises me with chocolate devil cake and white tulips.
6. What is a habit you are proudest of breaking?
I used to be a compulsive nail biter in the third grade, and stopped when I realized that it hindered me from manicures. Note: this was around the unibrow age.
6. What did you do for your latest birthday?
In celebration I had a party, but I spent the actual day of my birthing at a regional competition. Aye, I placed doe.
7. What have you always wanted?
A stable life: I’ve always had trouble balancing my mood and behavior in terms of my perspective, goals, and experiences. Also, a hoverboard.
8. What was the last lie you told?
“I really don’t mind.”
9. What is your blood type?
Whatever Edward Cullen likes, heheheheheheehe.
10. What are you constantly thinking about?
How I feel vs. how I want to feel. How I could have handled a specific situation better. If I should apologize. How much garlic sauce is enough garlic sauce?
11. Have you ever danced in the rain?
So. Many. Flipping. Times. 10/10 would do it again.
12. What are your bad habits?
Being sardonic, joking too much, not saying not I feel, opening up too much.
13. Do you still talk to your first crush?
Considering I was in pre-k (young tiger lady) and he still wants to be a Basketball player, I decided it be best if I didn’t.
14. Spell your name with your chin:
“duyriubgza”... I did well.
15. Do you like your neighbor?
Although I haven’t taken the time to get to know the neighbor located on my right side, the ones on the left are the two most sweetest people I have met. Love you, Mrs. Joann and Mr. Mark!
16. If you’re being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
For some reason, when a person is quiet it is considered a bad thing. If I am ever being quiet, I am either deep in thought over how much work I have to get done, my current environment, or mentally drafting a plan for world domination. Or someone pissed me off.
17. Would you rather live without music or TV?
I actually don’t even TV as it is: I’m actually scared of being addicted to TV shows. Music is my soul food.
18. What does your most recent text say?
“No bubbles!”, to my sweet mother. I’m actually not going to provide any context here to mentally torture you.
I have dwelled on this character of a planet for seventeen years now, so I take it I posses some sort of experience in terms of the ins and outs of life.. In differing terms, I have ridden rainbows and drowned in puddles, I have healed and broken, and I have loved and lost. People have disquieted me, I have seen and heard things most do not prefer hearing, and most crucially, I have compiled a list to share with this mammoth cosmos.
It follows as such...
So there, world, lies my compilation of things you should do in the event that you want me to light my head on fire. What ticks you off?