If you know me well enough, you know that I actually don’t get mad or sad easily. Despite the fact that they almost discontinued Twinkies, despite the fact that poverty is still very much alive, and despite the fact that women still get paid less than men. So yeah, I’m pretty hardcore. And as there are so many people with the intelligence level of a guava present today, I’ll admit--it is SERIOUSLY hard.
In this day and age, it’s very easy to be stupid. And although many of you are thinking that I mean intelligence wise, but zilch, tiger buddy.
I mean the adulterated second grader definition of “stupid”. The annoying, jerky, goldfish stealing, swing stealing, just “go jump in a ocean with a fish outfit on” type of stupid. And that comes around A LOT.
Now, the first step to dealing with stupids is identifying them. Stupids are usually very irritating, disrespectful, illogical, and seem to have very low self esteem. They prey on people’s kindness and always pay close attention to what people say---most likely so they can use it against them.
The second step is to decide how this stupid is stupid. Does he or she make racist remarks? Do they constantly disagree just to disagree? Does anybody hate this stupid, or are you just stupid? These are all multiple ways to approach a stupid. Find the root cause of their stupidity, and how it affects you. Then, calmly convince yourself to put the tree down and not headbutt them with it. Be patient, young almond biscotti.
The third step is to accept this stupid. Realize that manslaughter is illegal and that by letting the stupid affect you with their words is just, well, stupid. The best way to deal with this person (assuming it’s a person and not a piece of naan), is to realize that they are only hurting you because you have given them the power to. At the end of the day, you are in control of if you repeatedly bang your head on a watermelon in a desperate attempt to kill yourself. Newton can be wrong. This person’s actions don’t always deserve a reaction; it doesn’t even have to be of equal force, forget greater force.
All in all, don’t get mad easily. Don’t give people so much power over you, as they’re all peasants. Who cares about them? Not you. Not your momma. Not your door knob.
I’m going to leave you all with one last piece of advice: make the idea of you being mad an occasion. Don’t always raise your voice, improve your argument. Consider the effect of your words on other people; especially if you need them on your side.
With that being said, dueces,
So the other day, I was nonchalantly scrolling through my Instagram feed when I ended up on my friend’s best friend’s acquaintance's sister’s neighbor’s dog’s mother’s endocrinologist’s aunt’s page, when I “stumbled across”, or rather, “ungracefully bellyflopped” onto a page for an account called something along the lines of “my winter bucket list”.
This account consisted of a stream of poorly edited pictures with goals such as “sleep in an igloo”, or “be kissed under the mistletoe” that people apparently wish to accomplish during the winter season, and whatever, you know, that’s totally cool. I’m totally not judging. Rather, I’m screenshotting and emailing evidence that you liked something haram to your mom.
FREAKING HYPOTHERMIA, HELLO.
Either way, those goals are really inapplicable in my case especially, and for two main reasons. Firstly, they all pertain to the holidays, which, if you can’t tell from the fact that my house looks like an sullen, abandoned Walmart in the face of my neighbors’, I don’t celebrate. Secondly, they all relate to relationships or bonfires in the backyard or something, and frankly, if I ever tried to ignite either, I would probably be pushed into a lake.
So, I did what any sixteen year old Beyonce look alike would do:
I made my own.
Ladies and croissant resembling gents,
the REALISTIC Duriba Winter Bucket List.
2. FINALLY wear all my long sleeve shirts.
If you are a muslim brown girl, YOU SERIOUSLY FEEL ME GIRL. Whenever I go shopping, I always try to buy rishta friendly outfits, you know, long sleeves, a little bit above knee length, yada yada yada. And the thing is, I can’t really wear any of that stuff because it’s not like I live in Texas where it’s hotter than you.
heh heh heh.
Well, If you’re Zayn Malik.
3. Create an ice bust of my face.
If you’re anything like me, you have a face. So it only makes sense that you would want to spend hours on end, sculpting an ice bust of your face that only lasts for 3 hours and melts away, only to never exist again.
It makes total sense…
If you BELIEEEEVEEEEE.
4. Have a FRIENDLY snowball fight.
So, around 3 years ago, it legitimately snowed in Texas and everybody at my school was beyond excited. So excited, in fact, that we basically ditched the entire school day to play in the snow.
And I’ll be first to admit, it was seriously fun. Despite the second grade boys with dripping noses and red cheeks who kept spitting to see if their saliva would freeze, I remember it as one of the funnest days of my life.
Well, at least until...the incident.
*cue dramatic music and commercial break for Toyota* #ABCfamilyprobs
“The incident” consisted of some bearded fifteen year old guy who thought it would be downright hilarious to wrap rocks into snow balls and launch them at glamorous thirteen year olds.
So, as I was minding my own business and trying to bury my math teacher’s car in snow, down came a snowball at my tummy, oozing with the strength of a thousand Dwayne Johnsons. My life flashed before my eyes as I fell to my knees, and that little son of a female darted off before I could fill his lunch box with baby rolly pollies.
But yeah, snowball fights are always a ball.
5. Hiking up a mountain.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not one for physical activity, or even moving, for that matter, but I’ve always wanted to hike up a relatively low mountain during the winter. Although the climb up would be equivalent to stepping on fifty legos and a veggie restricted diet (AT THE SAME TIME), I feel like the view from above would definitely be worth it.
But seriously, anyone who has ever had the strength to climb a mountain deserves an phone with unlimited battery life.
Yes, you, Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone.
+10 points for them because, you know, it’s almost 2015 and twelve year olds are still making dances to Balam Pichkari.
Just yesterday, while watching the wooden panels of my ceiling fan spin in circles, I decided two things. Firstly, that I did not like macarons, and secondly, that Shahrukh Khan is the only actor that can pull off a ponytail. Ok, three things, the third being that brown society’s standards are skewed.
All in all, I respect the fact that men and women and physiologically different. There are some factors that make us all biologically different, which is ok. Below are some things its ok for brown girls to do that brown guys cannot, according to our antiquated societal standards, at least.