There will come a day in your life when you will realize that all is not well.
You’ll flunk your physics exam, step on a Lego, or pour your cereal before realizing that your father forgot to grab milk. You’ll spend early mornings in the fetal position on your bedroom floor and wonder why you aren’t good enough. Your mom will walk in while you’re just about to hit the high note in “Hasbi Rabbi”. You’ll microwave a Hot Pocket, only to realize that the center is still frozen.
The big takeaway here is that bad things happen, and to everyone. From Prophet Muhammad to Hillary Clinton, we have all experienced times in our lives where we begin to question our purpose in life due to a few occurrences that didn’t go exactly as planned. These questions, appropriately dubbed “existential questions”, allow us to exercise our minds and ponder every move we make, and how it can affect us in the long run.
Here’s how to know if you’re having an existential crisis.
You realize that you’re real.
This may sound extremely abstract to the average person, but for one experiencing an existential crisis, you feel me. You stare in the mirror longer than usual, and pay attention more to your features. Your nose is broader than usual. Oh my god, your forehead is so long and angular. And...hey! You’ve got a huge scar by your lip...oh wait. That’s from when you were pretending to be the joker.
2. You look for answers.
“What is life?” “Who am I?” “Who is my mom?” “Why is Kim Kardashian still with Kanye West?” are among the many thoughts that sprint across your stream of consciousness.
In this point and time, you take to experimenting and asking family members, acquaintances, friends, and the Indian clerk at your midnight Walgreens run how they feel about these questions. You are also often disappointed by jerks on Yahoo Answers.
3. You become overly sentimental.
Everything makes you cry, from the Notebook to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart because Jon Stewart is going to DIE SOMEDAY AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Also, tiny puppies and kittens are dying. Also, Whole Foods ran out of chocolate covered strawberries.
4. You think more about age.
You start evaluating where you are in life based on your age. You wonder things like “I’m not ‘teeny boppery’ enough for a sixteen year old,” and pay more attention to your appearance in terms of your age. But eventually, you’ll realize that you should love your choice of outfit, even if your mom thinks you dress like a 45 year old man-hippie.