I’ve been offered advice for almost every conceivable situation.
On pre-cal homework, I’m to go back and check my steps three times, four times if I still don’t get it. When I have a fever, I’m to take two Tylenols pills with water, because if I did it with orange juice and choked, it would come out my nose and burn. When the kids I tutor get frustrated and try to stick their erasers up my nose, I’m supposed to ask them about the latest episode of Spongebob or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. When I trim my bangs, I’m supposed to tilt the scissor at 30 degree angle and bit my lip to ease the process. Except it doesn’t ease the process, it just makes me feel more nervous.
Advice is a big part of our lives and will continue to be for as long as we live. From college application essays to marriage proposals, getting opinions is a convenient and vital part of every process. My whole life, I’ve heard a lot of it on subjects I’m well versed it, subjects I’m foreign to, and subjects I plan to read about on my yacht besides a glass of cool coconut water post retirement.
So today, I’m going to give advice about my frenemy who, to this day, mercilessly applies Dr. Pepper lipsmackers and wears light up sketchers.
Ladies and gentlemen, confidence.
Because if you’re not comfortable with yourself, why should the rest of us be?
I know what you’re thinking. It’s easier said than done. It’s not easy to be confident when you have big ears, muffin top, or/and(!) a lisp. It’s easy to be confident when you aren’t afraid of public speaking, public restrooms or being ignored. Duriba, you look like Beyonce. You don’t know what it feels like to not like yourself, to be uncomfortable in your own skin.
You’re right. I don’t know what it feels like to be afraid of public speaking, because, frankly, I like public speaking. But I know what it feels like to be afraid of not being accepted. I do know what it feels like to be afraid of spiders, failure, and my mom after a B on my report card. My point here is, everybody has their strong suits. Maybe you’re awesome at something I suck at. That’s the way Allah swt made us: with problems, weird phobias and rashes. There’s nothing wrong with that. And today, we’re going to learn to accept that.
What do you hate about yourself? Make a list, and circle everything that you can change on it. Underline everything you want to change.
For example, you’ve listed that you’ve got a dent in your nose. Cool. But can you change that (without being Kim Kardashian)? Nope. Oh and, lookie here---you’ve got fat. Can you change that? Yeah.Do you like having fat? Nope. And hmm...you’re think you’re inconsiderate? We can change that.
2. Now, make a list of ways you can change what’s circled.
Here’s a place where you can get advice: ask people who’ve gotten over the same issue. For example, if your paki drama addiction is getting way out of hand and has got you practicing lines in the mirror instead of your multiplication tables, consult the experienced: your grandma. Surf the web. Be creative.
If social media is hurting you, delete that mother brother. If having an Instagram account has got you comparing your molars to Cara Develingine’s, there is a problem. Social media generally makes us super conscious and fumbly.
If you aren’t confident because your wardrobe is ugly, donate those Aeropostale baby tees and bedazzled skinny jeans.
If your bed still has a Hannah Montana comforter you’re not really feeling anymore (IT’S NOT A PHASE, MOM), toss it in da donation bags.
Clutter isn’t ever a good thing.
4. Make a list of characteristics/talents/qualities you’d like to have.
And please hon bun, be realistic.
You can’t want to be nice and not hold doors open for the elderly. You can’t want to be liked and sit in a corner at lunch and cry about how society killed the teenager. You can’t want to be good at math and spend lunch standing on a chair screaming the Scandinavian alphabet backwards instead of going to tutoring.
5. Don’t complain.
Complaining is the worst. How can you expect to feel better about your life and identity when all you do is talk about how much it sucks? Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it. so stOP MOPING YOU LARD.
6. Just be a good person.
Smile at a stranger, hold the door open for two, common “GOALS” on the selfies of three (ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT), share coconut dark chocolate macaroon granola with four, and exhort a prayer for five hundred thousand that have got bullets holes in their backpacks. Smiling is contagious. People like to be around those who make them happy, and will always support you if you genuinely want the right thing.
All in all, you might be wondering what made me so wise and stuff, but truth be told, I just imagined how hip I would look in an orange toga (WITH PULL UP SLEEVES, SISTERS) and crimped hair and the rest just flowed.
I'm not going to apologize for a more serious than usual article, because I feel like depression, anxiety, and sadness are issues we, as a muslim/Desi society, tend to ignore. This article was inspired by a few friends who didn’t feel so great about their disposition in general and Beyonce's FLAWLESS THAT I HAVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH LIKE WOW, so I combined all the advice I’ve given them here for the tuttu-biscuits who may need to hear it.
And lastly, remember that before you can live a part of you has to die.