If you continue reading this, you will approach your death.
Actually, even if you don’t, you’re still approaching your death.
Dying is inevitable, and it will happen to us all. Whether you’re a toothless, forty year old chef at Denny’s with an penchant for zebra print and hot pink or Steve Jobs, someday, somehow, you’ll go to bed and kind of forget to wake up…for a really long time.
Now, let’s get personal and uncomfortable!
Am I afraid of dying? omg yes. Do I want to die? Hmm...eventually. People get boring, quandaries arise, and you just kind of get tired of this trivial routine that has become your life. I’m not some suicidal misanthrope. Quite the opposite, really. Guys, I love my life. My family’s a capricious adventure. Also, you don’t get two, warm apple pies from McDonalds for a dollar in the grave. I do believe in an afterlife, yeah, and (god forbid) I somehow end up in hell when I can’t even watch a bleach blond named Tiffany lock herself in a tanning bed.
The point is, when I die, there’s a few things you guys need to make it your life mission to happen, for the love of Doob.
(I wrote this whole blog post for that line)