18 Goddamn Years

I’ve watched the rain droplets summon on the window for thirty seconds now. It’s dark outside, so I cannot see much. These four walls that surround me, this big brown house that holds them, is cold. Do I hold myself and cry under cotton sheets or do I perform cartwheels across the room? Do I laugh and smile, or do I hang my head and cry? Do I thank God for another year or do I get angry for another year closer to no more years? 

I glance at my phone screen.

 1:30 am.

 In less than 24 hours, I will be an adult.

 I will be eligible for lots of things: voting, driving, drinking, real doctor appointments with real doctors, being compared to Kylie Jenner at 18, two numbers closer to not remaining a teen, expected not to burp in public, be told to “act your age”, making life altering choices, having my own *~insurance~*. 

Being sixteen is so young sounding, and seventeen sounds so transitory, while eighteen just screams “awkward adult.” The thought of remaining in that bubble frightens and excites me. I want it to pop, but I enjoy the thin film of protection it offers. It seems I am bursting with contradictions tonight. 

Reader, we have grown together. Being seventeen has taught me many things, and as a tradition, I’d like to share those things with you as long as some of my fondest memories and moments.

1. Having the profound opportunity to see the world outside the fifty states, from Europe to Canada and beyond.
2. That one girl’s night out with all my classmates where we randomly slept over the principal’s house and belly danced, even though we couldn't. 
3. I got to see so many hidden gems in my study, from Spiderhouse cafe to that random fitness juice spot next to my community college.
4. I mastered public transport including random stops at the wrong bus stop that include too many repeats of Oh Wonder!. 
5. When my cousins came over in the summer and we did that spontaneous photoshoot and I had my first my first IN-N-OUT burger.
6. My first eid in Chicago after ten years or so.
7. Winning a national competition. 
8. My best friend’s sister’s wedding that was SERIOUSLY LIT.
9. Getting into college and the sweetest surprise my friends gave me.
10. Creating a short film and billion memories with my favorite people like singing punjabi songs at the top of our lungs and eating too much kismet.
11. Meeting and loving !*!*!*SHUSHIIIII!*!*!*!*!. 

So this is it. I’ve remained a nuisance for 6, 205 days and it has been fantastic. I’m more happy than I am sad, and I’m more grateful above it all. Another rotation around the sun, and god damn it was great.