For those of you who follow me on social media, you’ve probably noticed a rapid decline in the amount I post overall per day in contrast to a few months or even a year ago. I used to consistently post ramblings on Snapchat, plan fun skits with my family and friends, and so much more. I loved curating Snapchats, and I frequently go back and watch them whenever I feel nostalgic. However, when my Uncle passed about a year ago, a lot changed for me.
I found myself merely slipping into a shadow of who I used to be, and it followed me through the dreadful months of my life where I was studying for one of the biggest exams of my career. Maybe it was the raincloud of death that hovered over me in the months that followed my uncle’s death, or maybe it was the social life elimination aspect that comes with studying. Whatever it was, it drained me; I was consistently stressed and developed a negative mindset. More than anything, I wanted to just graduate college and move on with my life because to me, college just seemed like a little world that I simply outgrew.
One of the weirdest feelings in the world is not being affected by something that, at some point, was the most important things to you. At one point in my life, things, like taking photos, sharing online, and making vlogs, were huge priorities for me. However, as I get older, I notice how temporary and fleeting everything is: it’s now harder for me to have fun or be pleased. In this way, I feel like I’ve become more of a cynic.
Whatever it is, I’m slowly building from it. In the year since my uncle’s death, I’ve grown a lot and I’m proud of myself for it. Maybe I’m no longer who I used to be, and maybe...who I’m becoming is even better.