Things brown girls can do that brown guys can't

Just yesterday, while watching the wooden panels of my ceiling fan spin in circles, I decided two things. Firstly, that I did not like macarons, and secondly, that Shahrukh Khan is the only actor that can pull off a ponytail. Ok, three things, the third being that brown society’s standards are skewed.


All in all, I respect the fact that men and women and physiologically different. There are some factors that make us all biologically different, which is ok. Below are some things its ok for brown girls to do that brown guys cannot, according to our antiquated societal standards, at least.

1. Cry over John Abraham’s 6 pack (of pakola, duh).
   
   

No explanation necessary.

1. Complain about their mehndi design.
   
   

Me, every eid. Like, can we talk about when the swirly design was in this past eid? I saw a girl holding back her tears when four other girl had the same design. Pull it together, girl (i say to the mirror).

1. Cry about how their eid suit looks better on their sister (da teers r flowin)
   
   

So, every eid my mom just kind of drags out the big suitcase of paki clothes and, along with my sister, we all just kind of bond opening it and judging the clothes as we discuss how badly Aishwariya Rai needs to come back into Bollywood. Then, we all just select a few, try them on, and decide what suits who better. If you saw me on eid in 2007 with an afro and and a blue suit, you are witness.

1. Post Zayn Malik as their #mcm for 3 months in a row now.
   
   

But imagine if guys did this. No rishtas for you, fruity boy.

1. Make heart shaped rotis.
   
   

My mom actually used to make me heart shaped rotis as a kid, but somehow they kind of looked like they got run over by a rickshaw a few hundred times. It was still a nice gesture. ‘Preciate it, mamma paaji.

1. Fangirl about “halal” nail polish.
   
   

So can we talk about how Inglot and Tuesday and Love invented the BEST PRODUCT EVER. Forget the iPhone 6, son. It’s all about permeable nail polish.

1. Ridicule Fobs who comment on their Instagram pics. Yes, you, “asimluvspakigurls”.
   
   

Every brown girl has this fob fanclub that basically stalks them on social media and feels the need to comment on their pictures with useless captions, such as “silly girl” or “cute ;))”. Uncle, how about you sit in your car, buckle your seat belt, make sure you grab your wallet, drive to the nearest Shalimar, order 5000 chicken paratha rolls, eat them, and have HEARTBURN BECAUSE YOU ON FIRRREEE.

1. Post over 10 Eid pictures.
   
   

Let’s get something straight, when I post over ten pictures on eid of me with 6 different people, I could care less about the people. I want the internet to realize that no matter the settings, Kelvin or chrome, left side or right side, flipped or not, Shakira aunty’s dawat or Shagufta aunty’s dawat, I looked fabulous.

1. Do the “hand on hip, one leg up” pose in pictures.
   
   

To see evidence of this, go down your timeline or stalk yourself on social media. You do it, fellow brown girl. And unfortunately,  so does the “modern” aunty with the boy cut and fake Louis Vuitton clutch.

1. Excessively tweet ZaidAliT.
   
   

He’s funny. He’s mashallah. He gets you. Your mom would like him. You already love his mom. Retweet, homegirl. Favorite them tweets, homegirl. If i don’t nikkah him, I want you to.